Fallen
by LoveAlwaysWins
Summary: Elena made the choice to turn, now that she remembers meeting Damon first will her choice change? & will she ever come to terms with being a vampire? 'I am a monster, in every sense of the word and there is no turning back' R&R please!
1. Chapter 1

**Fallen **

AN: Hey guys! It's been a pretty long time since ive written a story so I decided that now its nearly summer, I'll have plenty of time, which means frequent updates! *cheers* anyway so this story will be co-written by me & midnightgirl467, we've always wanted to write a story together so this is the perfect opportunity! I ramble too much...So basically this is our continuation on season 4 & what it holds for our beloved gang! & of course…plenty of Delena but slow burn & angsty.

Dear Diary,

I had always imagined the way I would die, old and grey and surrounded by my loved ones, the picture perfect representation of peace and content. Although I suppose that was back then when I believed vampires, witches and psychotic hybrids didn't exist. There was nothing peaceful or beautiful about the way I died, gasping for air and alone. It could be considered quite ironic actually; my parents did die in the same way after all, sort of like karma….

My sentence trails away & I put down the pen as I refuse to revisit those morbid thoughts, though I guess I now have a lifetime to analyze them. I choke back a well of emotion as I think back to the night I woke up in the morgue, the night when my already messed up life got that bit worse…

_A strange brightness clouded my vision, a light above my face nearly blinding me with its intensity. I shifted my head and looked around, I was alone. My hands and legs felt heavy and like a strange power was flowing through me, everything inside me felt different, felt strange and I wondered if it was the water that was still left in my system from the crash. I could feel my heart hammering in my chest; working harder than usual and I wondered if I was dying if Stefan saving me had been an entire waste of time. It was ironic how I would die in the same place, the same way as I should have done over a year ago before_

_Stefan had saved me for the first time. I hear a pair of slow, heavy footsteps approaching the door, I turn towards it and am greeted by the sight of the Salvatore brothers. Stefan with his brooding good looks and Damon, a true Adonis. Both are strangely and almost ominously quite as they watch me, unblinking. I clear my throat and almost immediately a strange, horrifying sensation spreads through my throat and chest, my weak body impacted from the crash racks as I cough repeatedly. Seconds later I feel strong arms supporting me from both sides and soothing words, I manage to choke out "what's happening to me?" I receive no answer so I crane my head towards both Stefan and Damon but again receive no answer, that is when I notice the dull emptiness in both brothers eyes, the sense that they have lost something irrevocably. Damon starts but then stops, "you didn't survive the crash Elena…you're in transition" that is the moment when time stands still for me, I can't seem to fathom the words that have just left his mouth. My face must be in visible agony as at that point Stefan tries to envelope me in a hug but I squirm away, not wanting to be touched. "How...how did this happen, I can't be a… I never wanted to be a…" my voice cracks and I feel the familiar burn of tears escaping my eyes. I take harsh breaths and try to convince myself that this is a terrible nightmare, that this is all just a figment of my imagination. Reality crashes down on me as Stefan, painfully says "im so sorry Elena, I should have saved you quicker, I could have reached you before you..." he trails off his voice overcome with emotion. My eyes widen and I shake as I realize what I have to do, what I will have to become, there is no choice anymore. I wonder if that was just a beautiful idea my mind had cooked up to comfort myself that all the pain would be over one day. I hear Damon sobbing to himself and Stefan's agonized cries, but it's like im immune to anything at the moment, my nostrils pick up a tantalizing smell, unlike anything ive experienced before. A rich, coppery aroma envelopes me, entrancing me like a siren would to a sailor. My ears pick up a repeated thudding as I close my eyes, just inhaling the delicious smell. As I make a move to reach the door, both Stefan and Damon hold me down straight away, as they too realize what I was experiencing, the unabashed, eternal craving I would now face for blood. I feel a brief rush of air as Damon flits out of the door, returning a moment later with a blood bag full of the exotic, red liquid, my eyes zone in on the packet picking out the distinct smell. Haltingly Stefan says "you don't have to turn Elena, this is your choice" I look at him then and reply "I have to, Jeremy needs me, I cant leave him alone" its unspoken but I think it pretty clearly, both Salvatore's need me too, I am not suppressing the thought as I normally would which is strange in itself. I take the packet from Damon and proceed to bring it closer to my mouth, my breathing gets shallow as I consume the ruby red liquid and I can feel my gums painfully expanding to accommodate my sharp fangs, I guzzle the liquid until the bag lays empty in my hands, my hands stained red. I can feel the network of veins underneath my eyes expanding and pulsing with my life force. I hear sharp intakes of breath as I close my eyes to bask in the fact that I am a monster, in every sense of the word and there is no turning back. _

_An: woooh! So we would love to see what you think so please review & tell us what you believe is good {constructive criticism is always appreciated} (: updates will be soon as we get feedback to see whether we should continue! – LoveAlwaysWins & midnightgirl467~_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: New lifetime, new pain.

AN: so both me & MidnightGirl467 were so happy to see the response this story got just from the first chapter (: so heres chapter 2 for you amazing people! Just as a side note, updates will probably be more frequent now that summer vacation starts for both of us soon! Read & review so we know if you guys are liking the direction of our story.

The morning sun rose silently behind the mountains marking a new day for every human whilst it marked the start of a new lifetime for me, the start of my cursed existence. My Lapis Lazuli ring glistened in the light and I didn't know whether to be thankful for it or angry at the constant reminder that my human life had been unwillingly taken from me. I cursed under my breath still wishing that all of this was a nightmare and that I was having the most vivid nightmare of my life. It didn't matter how much I prayed for that to happen, prayed that I would no longer be a vampire it didn't happen. Every morning, ever since my transition, I would wake with the familiar sense of all-consuming hunger that would make my stomach twist, the monster inside me begging me for me to kill. I took a deep breath, swung my legs off my bed and raked my hand through my thick, brown hair. I knew that every day from now on would be an uphill battle but I was never prepared for this much pressure on myself, not to slip up, to take an innocent life. After I took a shower and got ready, I grabbed my much neglected diary and sat down on the window seat from which I could overlook the street I grew up on and have spent so much of my life on. I can recall the defining moments like it was yesterday my first bicycle ride, my first kiss with Matt under the porch and crazy summer water fights with Jeremy and my friends. I start to write the clichéd words "dear diary" when a sudden shooting scene plays before my eyes;

"_I know Bonnie you're right, you and my mom both are. I just can't bring myself to tell him…at least not tonight." I sighed into the phone knowing that one day soon I would have to tell Matt that I no longer loved him, that spark between us had defused. _

_I looked up from the concrete underneath me and saw a brewing fog over by the forest, something that was uncommon in summer even for Mystic Falls. Sighing again to myself I looked back down when something or someone caught my eye. On the road a few meters in front of me was a man dressed in black just laying on the road, not moving just led there almost as if he was waiting for a car to come but within a matter of seconds the man was gone leaving nothing but the fog for my company. Maybe I had drunk too much tonight and was officially hallucinating. "I'll call you later." I told Bonnie through the phone before hanging up on her, just wanting to be alone with my thoughts so I could figure things out on my own. I placed the phone in my pocket and run my fingers through my hair wishing that I could love Matt the way that I used to, the way that I should. _

"_Katherine?" A man's voice startled me causing me to look up, confusion spread across my face._

_The man's eyebrows was raised but a smile on his face held relief like he had been searching for something for so long and had now finally found out. His blue eyes pierced through mine and his dark leather jacket clung tightly to his body causing me to stare back at him wondering why such a good looking man would be talking to me. He thinks you're someone else. A voice whispered in my head and I sighed, this man was probably just a drunk guy from the bonfire, just some random drunk handsome guy that reeked danger._

"Damon…" His name involuntarily fell from my lips.

My eyes opened the start of a memory coming back to me, a memory of me and Damon the night of the bonfire, the night my parents died. My mind reeled at what had happened that night. Did I tell him that I wasn't Katherine? Did he feed from me? Did something happen between us? I tried to concentrate on the memory and bring it back but still nothing came to me, I groaned in frustration which soon turned into anger. _Damon compelled me. _I could feel my self losing control slightly, my hands began to shake and a prickling sensation near my eyes told me my veins were making an appearance. I needed to know what happened that night, I was positively fuming, I felt so incredibly betrayed. Stefan, Damon and Caroline had told me that every feeling and experience would be heightened but so far I hadn't had a reason to really lose it. It was strangely empowering, knowing that for once I could be the one inflicting damage instead of being the pawn in every psychopathic hybrids evil game. I stood up and I could quite literally feel the power in my silken limbs, I had been aware of my looks before, I was never insecure but never conceited either, I looked in the mirror and squared my shoulders and did my best poker face. I was going to get answers and I was going to get them now, betrayal and anger was smoldering behind my cool façade and god forbid anyone get in my way. I stormed downstairs and at the sound of my heavy footsteps, Jeremy made his appearance "where are you going 'Lena?" I put my hand on his shoulder and smiled tightly "out" from my curt answer he could tell I was desperately trying to claw at controlling myself from showing my emotions. He sighed deeply and I could hear the rushing of his blood, as it flowed through the thin veins and arteries. I took a really deep breath; this was a tactic Caroline had taught me when dealing with human presence. As if he could sense my train of thought he gave me a soft, quick hug and retreated back to the living room and his video game. I strode with purpose towards the front door and grabbed my car keys from the bowl near the front door. I didn't allow my emotions to make an appearance however desperately they were trying to rule me a voice in my head said "you met Damon first". I shook my head and continued scowling as I slid into the driver's seat and started the ignition. This was it.

AN: well, hope you enjoyed this update! Please read & review so we know if you're finding this story enjoyable. Damon has a lot of explaining to do (; LoveAlwaysWins & MidnightGirl467~


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3; Crashing and burning.

AN: so hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Sorry for the long gap between updates, my laptop has been messing up, a huge thanks to my amazing friend MidnightGirl467 for being extremely patient aha (:

During the drive to the boarding house, I kept thinking of what I was going to say to Damon, about what he would think, his motivations behind compelling me. Pure rage was filtering through every pore of my body and it made me feel strangely powerful like a lithe predator, ready to strike. All too soon the familiar drive appeared and I parked my car haphazardly and ran out, this was not an occasion on which I could waste time, I needed answers and I needed them now. Before I even knocked at the door Stefan appeared, he looked so happy to see me but his smile didn't seem to meet his eyes, maybe he could sense who I was really here to see? As I said "where the hell is Damon?" his smile dropped slightly and apprehension reigned. When I got no reply, I passed Stefan when everything seemed to blur in front of me, every object started turning into one. A sharp pain burned through my head and I yelled out in agony but before I could do anything else, my eyes were taking me back to the night where I had first met Damon Salvatore.

"_Um…no…I…" I glanced behind me, checking to see if the 'Katherine' this man was referring to was behind me but there was only darkness and the faint chatter of teenagers by the bonfire. My eyes drifted back to the man in front of me who was clearly drunk and looking for some girl who was nowhere in sight._ _"I'm Elena." I told him; unsure of whether telling him my name was actually a good idea. The man's eyes widened in confusion as he took in my appearance for the second time that night. His eyebrow furrowed across his head and his lips formed the perfect 'o' shape like he just couldn't believe that I wasn't this girl Katherine. He shook his head in disbelief before returning his gaze back to me. "You just look…" His words trailed off again in disbelief, his eyes looked over my body once more before shaking his head again thinking better of finishing his sentence. "I'm sorry." He mumbled taking hesitant steps towards me, his head tilted to the side and his eyes never leaving my body. _

"_You just really remind me of someone." The stranger licked his lips before stopping about two steps away. "I'm Damon." He finally announced a playful smile on his face. _

_I stared back at him just wanting to get away. He maybe one of the hottest guys I have ever seen but he was obviously drunk and a little creepy, everything inside my body was telling me to run but I remained where I stood. I flipped the phone around in my hand as I tried to think of a reply that would not offend him or cause him to be angry at me. _

"_Not be rude or anything, Damon but it's kinda creepy that you're out here in the middle of nowhere." A satisfied smirk rested on my face at my comment which only caused Damon to smile further. _

"_You're one to talk. You're out here all by yourself." Damon said failing to hide his smirk. I shrugged. There was nothing with being out here by yourself, it was Mystic Falls nothing excitingly good or bad ever happened in this little town. _

"_It's Mystic Falls nothing bad ever happens here." I couldn't help but return his smirk; there was something about him that just made me smile. He seemed carefree, a young spirit and less creepy every time I seemed to talk to him. Even the voice who had kept telling me to run had relaxed along with the rest of my body. _

_Damon looked at me, the ever present smile on his face that just looked so young and so trusting that I wanted to tell him everything about what had happened between me and Matt. Damon's incredibly blue eyes pierced through me and I knew he wanted to know more from me, he knew that I was thinking about something that was troubling me. I didn't know how but I could tell from the way his posture is, the way he looks at me…I just knew. _

_Lifting my phone up in the air like it could offer some unknown explanation to what my problem was when really it had nothing to do with it, nothing at all. The problem was Matt and how I didn't love him anymore, how I didn't want the future he planned for us. _

"_I got into a fight with my boyfriend." I told him, my shoulders shrug telling the rest of the story. _

"_About what?" He stepped towards me his hands raised up in surrender. "May I ask?"_

_I glanced down at the floor, shaking my head slowly as if to say its okay for you to be asking me these personal questions even though I don't know you. I mentally laughed at myself before sighing sadly, remembering again what this conversation was actually about. "Life,Future. He's got it all mapped out." _

"_You don't want it?" Damon asked, taking another step towards me. _

_I looked back at Damon as if he was stupid. Of course, I didn't want that. At least not yet, I was only sixteen years old coming up seventeen, I didn't know what I wanted for my future. I had an entire life ahead of me and I didn't want any of it planned. _

"_I don't know what I want."_ _"That's not true." Damon smiled at me, hold his hands out at his sides. "You want what everybody wants." He smiled as though the answer was obvious to the entire universe except me. _

_Tilting my head to the side to look at him, I couldn't help but smile back at him. Damon was so easy to be around. My entire body felt comfortable around him and I had only known him for a few minutes, a few seconds. It was normal but maybe that was exactly what I needed right now. _

"_What? mysterious stranger that has all the answers?" I raised my eyebrows, doing what girls my age did best; flirt. Damon laughed, looking away almost as if he were embarrassed before glancing back on me. The beautiful smile still on his face as his eyes still regarded me with the same look of wanting and curiosity. _

"_Let's just say I've been around a long time." His lips puckered as he eyed my body. "I've learned a few things." "So Damon tell me; what is it that I want." I asked, genuinely intrigued to find out what he thought I wanted from love and life. _

"_You want a love that consumes you." He stepped closer so that he was right in front of me, his face looking down on mine. "You want passion and adventure, and even a little danger." He smirked at me and I wondered if he was describing himself to me, if he knew I wanted him right now. Everything he had said had been right. I did want a love like that in my life because it was the stuff that you read about it in books and fairytales. You only ever saw a romance like that in a movie and never in real life, everybody wanted it but only few would ever find it. Hopefully, I would be one of them few. Somehow though I didn't think Damon would be the type to want a world wind romance. _

"_So what do you want?" Damon groaned but before he could answer, the sound of a car came up the road. My parents, Sadly, I turned back to face Damon hoping that he would answer before I go but he remained silent, staring at me softly which made me wonder whether he was still thinking of that Katherine or actually thinking of me. I prayed that he was thinking of me. _

"_It's my parents." Damon came even closer to my face and it took me by surprise that I almost took a step back but when I looked into his blue eyes, I found myself hooked on his gaze. My feet stayed rooted to the stop and I felt as though whatever Damon was about to say would be worth listening to, worth making my parents wait for me. Somehow, he seemed worth it. "I want you to get everything you're looking for but right now I want you to forget that this ever happened. I can't have people knowing I'm in town yet." Damon's eyes turned sad and his voice grew soft as he wished me goodnight. _

"_Goodnight Elena." He whispered and with those two words he was gone. _

As I spun out of the haze that had taken over my mind, my softer side, my trivial emotions were going haywire, I was torn between being awestruck at Damon and his selfless nature and being angry. As has become the trend with me and him, I chose the anger, that way I wouldn't have to face the more complex one, love. I was brought out of my thoughts harshly as Stefan shook me repeatedly, his face ever the one of concern and care, could he not see I was perfectly fine? I wasn't a china doll, breakable anymore? My thoughts were taking a very dark turn. I chose Stefan for a reason, he saved me and I love him. Despite my reasoning there was a part of me which was veering to a haunting realization…I made the wrong choice. As these thoughts became more prominent I rose off the couch which Stefan had obviously led me, I made my way up the stairs towards Damons room, I didn't look back as I knew what I would undoubtedly see, Stefan looking disappointed and guilty, I knew he felt it was his fault I was in this position, his martyr complex was beginning to irritate even me. As I reached the door to Damons room, I grew more and more agitated it had been a while since I had seen him, the easy friendship we had developed during the summer seemed to vanish as soon as I took my first breath as a vampire. _Or when you chose Stefan _a voice in my head spoke out, unabashed. I took a deep, unnecessary breath and twisted the door knob; nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to see, Damon and a girl, Damon and a girl half naked, laying on his bed. It was obvious what activity they had been enjoying just a while before, jealousy reared its ugly head as I took in the way he was holding her to him, the way her head was buried in the crook of his neck. That was the second time in one day, my feelings were taking over, pure insane rage was all I could think about, twisting this skanks fragile hands, murder and blood were my teachers and I was like a malevolent tigress protecting its mate. I took a shuddering breath and spun around trying to make my way as quietly as possible out of the door way, but it seemed that Damon had sensed me straight away, at first there was a slight wonder in his eyes but all too soon it turned into his icy façade, "to what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you here" his words were clipped and full of disregard, I wanted to break down at how he was treating me but instead again I allowed anger to rule me. With a disdainful smirk I had mastered, in the most chilling tone I could muster I said "I remember", his poker face seemed to vanish for a moment before he replied "what does it matter? It doesn't change anything Elena, just forget about it", his eyes and demeanor gave nothing away and he was distanced and austere.

I choked back a scream of annoyance as he brushed his hands softly over the girl he was with, she moaned in content as I stood there. After what seemed like years but what could only have been fifty seconds, I regained my composure "It matters and you know it! I thought you of all know me well enough to know I detest compulsion, how could you do that to me Damon" by now I was screeching at him and my hands were in tightly held fists at my sides, shaking with passion. Instantly Damon was up and so close to me, yet so far away, he too was obviously angry his cerulean eyes swirled with a mixture of passion, hate and anger, this was not what I was used to, there wasn't even a hint of the devotion and softness I had become accustomed to. "You listen to me Elena, and you listen close, this is something we are not discussing, sure those two events may have been a mistake on my part, but you know what was the even bigger mistake?" he breathed out, seething, as I didn't reply he cut in "the biggest mistake I could ever have made was to think it would change anything, me becoming the better man, me changing myself for you! You'd think after being second best for a hundred odd years id be used to it, the flashing of those eyes and the sincere touches, the promises and the inevitable betrayal, ive said it once and I'll say it again, you and Katherine have a lot more in common than just your looks but you know what?" he took a pause and sneered, his cruel façade coming back up, he delivered the final blow which I know would change our relationship "you're much worse than her, at least she admits she's a heartless bitch, that she hasn't got the ability to care for anyone, she doesn't worm her way into peoples hearts, not like you do! You my dear, sweet Elena pretend to care, bat your eyelashes at poor, damaged Damon and kiss him to find out whether hes your choices, lecture him to be the better man then leave him high and dry to die alone" if I was angry before now I was positively distraught I never thought it would come to this, these ugly, vile words spilling out of his mouth before I could reply he was spewing another "what's wrong Elena? Cat got your tongue? Or are you just too much of a coward to say what's really on your mind?" at this all the angst and rage from earlier came rushing back with a vengeance, I slapped Damon as hard as I could and relished as his head went snapping to the side, this was a side of being immortal I could get used to, this strength. As blood split from his nose from the hard slap, I gasped this was never what I had wanted, I didn't want to hurt him! I wanted to talk to him, have him explain why he did it… but this is how it would always be, our passion overwhelming us before we could discuss anything. I was brought out of my thoughts as the girl in Damons bed stretched and released a satisfied sigh, which brought my attention back to Damon who was staring at me with nothing but hatred and a chink of hurt, the dried blood on his face. "im so sorry Damon, I didn't mean to hurt you, I never meant to" I said earnestly, I wanted him to know I was sincere, but he just scoffed and said "that's the problem right there Elena, you're not sorry enough, if you really cared about me you would have stopped stringing me along, ages ago, you would have stopped all the long gazes and soft touches, the better man speeches…you would have stopped giving me hope that we could ever be something more" now instead of looking angry he was just resigned, detached as if he was a bystander. I took a deep breath and all my earlier bravado seemed to fade away, "I don't know what to say Damon, I cant…I chose Stefan" I didn't know why this sentiment wasn't giving me the comfort and strength to leave his room, confident that for whatever reason Damon had removed my memories was in the past…after all it didn't change anything just like he had said. He sighed once again and let out a chilling statement "I know Elena, I think after the fiftieth time hearing that I would be used to it, and strangely? Now I am…so why don't you get the hell out of my room and go play fairytale with my brother, besides me and Clara here have a lot of things we should be doing" somewhere amongst Damons heated words Clara had woken up, she giggled softly at Damons words and shot me a dirty look, _I could kill you without thinking twice _the violent part of my brain was giving me this and I smiled feral, almost. The harsh reality of my situation stopped me from doing just that, without saying a word except "Goodbye Damon" I left the room and slammed the door on my way out. Stefan came out of his room at the exact same time and the knowing look in his eyes told me he had heard everything, I started trying to say something but he cut me off "Don't Elena, its fine…" this gave me the hollow feeling, that it was anything but fine, I wondered then how I had let things get so bad between me and both of the Salvatore brothers. He just gave me a weak smile and brushed past me, I didn't ask where he was going and he didn't give an answer. I made my way downstairs to the parlor and sat in front of the blazing fire, this seemed an accurate representation of my life right now, crashing and burning. I sighed for what must have been the hundredth time since I began my new life and curled into a fetal position on the floor, I was lost. For once I had noone to blame for how messed up my life is, not Klaus, not Katherine, just me. I had allowed this, by choosing one brother I had lost the other, in fact both were slipping away from me and there was nothing I could do. I could feel my grip on these choking emotions threatening to rule me…for a second I contemplated what it would be like to flip the switch, I almost cried out at how amazing it could feel knowing I wouldn't have to feel but all too soon reality was setting in and I resumed my troubled gaze, staring into the leaping flames.

AN: well that was angsty as hell! It will get bad before it gets better and that is a perfect fit for Delena in this story! We inserted a jealous Elena in this chapter, tell us what you think of that + hope you enjoyed this chapter & please read and review to let us know what you think! ~ LoveAlwaysWins + MidnightGirl467


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4; Ashes and wine

AN: sorry for the extremely long wait for chapter 4 both me and MidnightGirl467 have been crazy busy these past few weeks, hope you enjoy this chapter…the calm after the storm c:

{Elenas pov;}

Six days. Six days since I had last seen him with his sparkling blue eyes that never failed to see through to my soul, since I had felt his breathe on my skin pulling me towards his body. I missed him. I missed his cocky grin, his sarcastic remarks and the way he seemed to understand what I was going through unlike Stefan and Caroline. Damon hadn't come to see me like I had expected he would even if it was just to explain why he had compelled me to forget everything about him, and why he hadn't mentioned it to me before. I just needed some answers…or was that too much to ask of him? When I had told Stefan he just didn't seem to care as much as I thought he would have, he just shrugged and simply said Damon was a monster back then with no feelings and that I should have been grateful that he hadn't forced himself on me to relieve some of the tension that Katherine had caused him over the century. Honestly, I didn't believe that Damon would have done that to me looking back at the actual first time we met because he seemed human, just like any normal mysterious guy that could live anywhere in the world. I knew that Stefan was only thinking the worst of his brother because of everything that had happened between them since I had turned. Damon blamed Stefan for my transition and Stefan blamed himself, and wished that Damon would get off his back about it which only drove a further wedge between them. The thought saddened me because I believed they were slowly becoming brothers again but because of me, now they no longer even had a relationship.

{damons pov}

Six days. Six days since I had last seen her chocolate brown eyes staring into mine, smell her honeysuckle and jasmine scent with the enticing scent of her blood, the velvety feel of her skin. I missed her so much, I don't think I even missed Katherine this much back in the centuries I spent pining over her, Elena was it for me. I swallowed the remaining bourbon that was in the tumbler and put it down, breathing hard. I shouldn't have snapped at her like that, shouldn't have treated her so roughly, the more angry side of my fragile broken heart seemed to tell me that was the right thing to do, to scare her away so she couldn't break me anymore. I was fast regretting that decision. But what could I do? For the umpteenth time she had clearly stated she chose Stefan, I should be used to it by now.

The more rational part of me was thinking that I should go talk to her and sort things out; this separation wasn't doing me any good, not like I thought it might. I heard a creaking noise and called out "Stefan?" as no reply came I assumed it was just the house and its age showing. My thoughts then drifted to my brother… we had been so close to regaining that easy friendship we had before, before any girl got in the way and it was just me, my brother and a football. But like we had once agreed, Elena wasn't just a girl, she was a special one. Who else would have shown such kindness and been so trusting towards monsters like me and my brother? I often wonder what her life would have been like had me and Stefan not entered it and captured her attention. I squashed that train of thought where it began… everything always led back to her and it was getting me nowhere fast. I had to move on, I had to. Why did it have to be so damn hard? I wonder if she even spared me a thought these days, did she wish she could just speak to me like I wished for her? Did she even remember all the summer nights I spent by her side, watching her broken smiles and hugging her till she feel into a troubled slumber? The early morning walks and curling up with a movie and popcorn? The endless water fights and ice cream cones. Did she even recall the time she was actually happy? With me?

{Elenas pov;}

My resolve was breaking, I had to see him, had to know just even glance at how he was doing. I couldn't let it end like this between us, it wasn't right or fair to him, someone who had been my rock while Stefan was gone, the one who used to quite literally be the reason why I woke up everyday… cold water in your face? Not so fun. A chuckle rose up in my throat and I could feel the shock rippling on my face, I hadn't laughed like this in such a long time. Just as I had made up my mind to go talk to Damon and grabbed my keys off the hook I dropped, a searing white light was blinding me and I could barely feel anything…

_I walked out of the bathroom, my eyes making unseen patterns in the cream carpet beneath my feet. Last night with the entire thing with Katherine at the Masquerade party along with everything that had happened with Elijah, Rose and Trevor today only added extra exhaustion and confusing to the mix. At first I thought taking the shower would take all the pain away, that the water would wash away the sense of pain, the sense of exhaustion and confusion from everything that had happened. I didn't want to feel anything more; I just needed to sleep because unlike my wishes the shower had not worked. Actually, the time in the shower had only driven me to worry more about the new information that my blood was the key too breaking the curse. _

_Sighing, I entered my bedroom. My fingers trailed against the walls whilst my eyes remained on the floor. I had only one wish for tonight, for me to sleep until the morning with no nightmares or intrusions the entire night. Only sleep where dreams could be a comfort and not hold any grudges against me or try to kill me. I just needed to forget everything that was happening around me and remember the good things about my life like Stefan, my friend, family and even Damon. Brushing my hair out from my face I made my way to my bed before a voice interrupted my escape. _

_"Cute PJ's." Damon whispered to me from underneath my window where he sat, his gaze on me as he held something in his hands. It was clear from the smell of him that he had been drinking tonight but it wasn't as strong as it usual was which was a very good thing but I wasn't in the mood for his mind games tonight and I didn't think I had the strength inside me to fight against the undying connection between us. _

_"I'm tired, Damon." I told him wanting to end whatever it was that he wanted, hoping to end this night as soon as possible but he just stood up and walked towards me, holding a silver chain in his hands. A sliver necklace actually, that resembled the vervain necklace that had managed to slip through my grasp when I had been grabbed last night. _

_"Brought you this." He said with a smile as he held it up to his face where the light reflected of the pendant making it shine in the dark light of my bedroom. _

_"I thought that was gone?" My eyes widened in shock and my lips formed a small 'o' shape. How did he even find it? I thought I would never see it again. Somehow, I never thought I would be protected again. _

_Damon smiled at me as a form of answer which signalled a moment of silence between us. He stared at me for a while and I could tell there was more for him to say, more for him to open about. I hoped it wasn't to do with the look he gave me when I stood on the steps earlier as I went to hug Stefan because I just couldn't bring myself to have this conversation right now. _

_"Thank you." I whispered holding out my hand to take the necklace out of his hands but he moved it away from me and for the first time in long while I was worried about what he would do to me. Memories of him coming into my room and trying to kiss me came back into my head, would he try that again? No, he wouldn't. Would he? _

_"Please give it back." _

_"I just have to say something." Damon said as he moved towards me and I took a step back, wondering what the hell he was up to. A part of me wanted to run the hell out of the room but the other part was forcing me to stay. His hand dropped to his side and I thought about taking the necklace out of his hands but I knew he was too fast for me, too strong for me to even fight against him. _

_"What do you have to say with my necklace?" I asked him taking a step back. _

_"Be-because what I'm about to say is probably one of the most selfish things I've ever said in my life." _

_Instantly, I knew why he had come here to see me but I couldn't go there. I didn't have the strength to have this conversation right now. The last 24 hours had been so emotionally draining that I just couldn't bring myself to hear this right now. Taking a step back again, I moved away from him but he would only walk closer towards me. _

_"Damon, don't go there." I warned him. _

_"I just need to say it once and you need to hear it." Damon nodded, bracing himself for what he was about to say. "I love you, Elena and it's because I love you why I can't be selfish with you, why you can't know this. I don't deserve you but my brother does." _

_Slowly before I could even make a reply, Damon kissed me on the forehead and I felt a current run down through my body but I felt paralyzed. I couldn't believe how honest he was being with me, how much he was opening up to tell me about this. However, I couldn't bring myself to focus on his love for me because the words 'why you can't know this' was stuck in my head. He was going to compel me to forget and I couldn't do anything to stop him. _

_"God, I wish you didn't have to forget this but you do." His fingers stroked my hair carefully, his eyes watering slightly as he looked into mine. The last thing that I ever saw was the tear that fell from his blue eyes as he told me, the woman he loved, to forget his declaration of love._

As the haze cleared and I was once again back in the present, I held my hand to my mouth in shock and anguish. Damon brought out emotions in me that I didn't even know I possessed, he made me feel like I was falling but perfectly in flight. I needed to see him, the task I was at work to do was back in the forefront of my mind, I practically flew out the door in my haste and into my car, within ten minutes I was at the boarding house. I swallowed deeply, preparing myself for what was undoubtedly going to be the game changer in my tumultuous relationship with Damon. I got out and stretched my sore limbs then walked to the front door as quietly as I knew how, so I would catch Damon unaware, before he put his guard up and didn't hear me out.

I walked in and smelt his scent of leather, bourbon and something that was just purely _him_. I made my way into the parlor and I saw him, facing the fire and hunched over, he made no move to acknowledge my presence. I could see and almost feel the way his body tensed as I moved closer to him. I wondered how I should start, what was the best thing to say to someone whose heart I had broken on every available opportunity. "Ive missed you. Damon" his name sounds so natural rolling off my tongue, ive missed speaking to him, seeing the way his eyes crinkled when he smirked and the mischievous glint in his eyes when he was flirting with me. after what seems an eternity he turns and looks at me, I gasp unconsciously as his eyes drink in my features, he looks like a man starved and im his salvation. It was the single most loving gaze I had ever seen, this was the type of devotion my parents had for each other.

"I missed you too" this one sentence makes me feel worlds better, and I almost ignore the elephant in the room and my recent discovery, I feel like hugging him, feeling his face nuzzle into my neck and breathe in his cologne but I don't. For once I need to be brave, why is it that confronting my feelings for Damon was scarier than facing off against Klaus and all the other supernatural entities I had to deal with? I let out the smallest whisper "I remember everything" I would almost think he didn't hear it if it wasn't for the way his eyes drop down. I move closer to him and touch his shoulder, his face, begging him to look at me without words, his eyes pulse into mine and he says "what does it change? You're still happy with Stefan & im still alone" the words would sound self pitying coming from anyone else but from Damon it's as if they are facts and he is a casual bystander.

I swallow again and shake my head "this changes everything Damon, how I feel about my relationship with Stefan, how I feel about you…everything" my eyes are full of fiery conviction and I can feel the truth in my words, he looks at me then and must see something positive as he cracks a minute smile. I grin back, glad for whatever I get right now, at least he wasn't angry right? "So what does this mean…for us?" he seems hesitant to let these words out, as if they will break the fragile peace that exists. "It means that I need to break up with Stefan and I need some more time… to figure things out" I am relieved… I realize suddenly, I need to find myself again, it was unfair to be with Stefan if I wasn't fully committed, as much as I was relieved I was dreading when I would have to talk to Stefan. A part of me would always love him, I still did. Damon nods solemnly and offers me a hand, I hadn't realized we had both ended up sitting on the floor and with our bodies almost touching. We both stood up then and almost immediately we found ourselves in a small embrace, it felt so natural. "I'll see you later Damon, no more avoiding each other?" I crack a smile and he replies "of course, take all the time you need to figure things out…but don't expect me to wait around forever" his tone is gentle but firm towards the end of the sentence, I nod in understanding and walk out the door.

AN; sooo what did you guys think of that? Let us know!


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